The past couple weeks have been trying to say the least. Working at four in the morning, doing school,not getting any sleep, etc. I have just felt so overwhelmed and helpless and extremely antisocial. I know that a lot of it due to having Seasonal Affective Disorder, but I have never had it this bad before. Thankfully Josh left a book at home on accident or on purpose, but I'm pretty sure something was telling him to leave it right in my sight path so I would see it. The book is all about S.A.D. and how to cope. I wasn't as impressed with the book as I wanted to be since most of his solutions revolved around light therepy, and that's what I don't want. However, he did have some good points on symptoms, diagnosies,and a few other treatments. One of the things he said was how negatively eating bad food is for improving your mood. So I quit Mountain Dew and started exercising and tanning again. I have felt awesome! I feel skinnier, more energetic, less sleepless, able to focus more, and I want to be around people again. It's crazy! I'm only tanning once a week and it seems like that's all I need so don't freak out you crazies. I did have a Mountain Dew today because I felt so sad.
My friend Tony that I dated like three or four years ago told me that he can't hang out with me or see me anymore because his girlfriend didn't like it since he just barely told her about our past. He can't forgive himself for our relationship we had forever ago. He can't let go of the past. And now I'm angry because I feel like after I had finally forgiven myself, he is pulling me back into the negative feelings. I kept thinking that if this is what happens when people find out about your past then why on earth would you ever tell someone?
After talking to Jocelyn about it, I was contemplating, when is a good time to tell your significant other about your past life? Is it sooner in the relationship so they have a fair warning of the baggage you carry, or later so they have a better understanding of who you are? I have decided later is better. I am not the person that I used to be and I want people to see who I am now, not who I used to be.
So I finally told my friend good luck with the girl and left it at that. He shouldn't have to have his girlfriend always wondering about our friendship and I shouldn't have to be reliving all of the painful memories.
Man it feels good to get that off my chest!
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2 comments:
I say if they can't handle it at any point then they weren't worth it. I used to hate how everyone always said light therapy, but I sure am loving my sun lamp. Doesn't mom have one you could try?
I totally agree w/Steph. If they can't help it, they don't deserve your friendship. Done, gone. Glad you're finding ways to make yourself feel better. I found a $50 lamp at Costco and have found it makes a huge difference in how I feel, even when I can't run. I just try and use it in the morning when I use my computer or do the dishes, etc. It's not everything though. Exercising is great, and not gorging on candy cane kisses are also important... ;)
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