20 years of experience and still going strong...

As I sit here in my underwear staring at my computer screen, I am brought back to a conversation I had easrlier this night with a coworker of mine. Our conversation mainly revolved around me and what a hard time I've been having lately. He gave me a lot of key points to think on, but one thing he said to me, stuck out so much in my mind that I keep repeating it so much that it just runs over and over like a race track... Never ending circle.... "Amelia, you have so much potnential. You just haven't realized it yet." He then proceeded to tell me how intelligent and ambitious I am, and how attractive it is. Me?! Attractive? Ambitious?! Little Amelia who can barely finish a lot of the things she starts. Amelia whose main goal in life right now is to successfully fit seven oreos in her mouth at once. How could anyone ever look up to me?! After that whole thought process ran through my head and sputting many various arguements against this, I finally had to give up. He gave me so many wonderful things to think about. For example, the first thing I did when I got home was look up intelligence. I know what it means, what it refers to, but I don't know what it IS.
In-tel-li-gence- n. quickness of understanding/mental ability
Definitely not me.
And how on earth can we measure this? With IQ tests? I think not. Anyone can memorize an equation and the life cycle of a star, but how many people can diffuse an angry parent from hurting their child? How do you measure that? To me, intelligence is street smarts. If you can survive the world and be a better person because of it and give me advice for it, I consider you intelligent, useful, and just plain wonderful.
When I reach the point that I can feel comfortable labeling myself intelligent, then I know that I will have suceeded. Success, never being one of my strong points, is the one thing I crave, I feed on, I demand. I anger over it, I get high off of it, it controls the world. It controls me.
To gain success is to be intelligent. To be intelligent is to have experienced. The be experienced is to have lived through a period of time.
I'm only 20. I have all of the time in the world.

Anyway, time to clean my room because I will not be sleeping anytime soon.
Love ya.

RAWR!!!

Speaking of dreams...

I keep having these horrible dreams.

Everynight someone I love dies and I can't find them anywhere and I can't accept that they're dead.

First it was Greg who died to save my life from a crazy man who was shooting everyone. Then it was Maren who was trying to escape from terroists. Then my dad from Zombies. All the way down the list of my loved ones....

Why are my dreams being tortured? I used have silly, funny, happy, lovey dreams.

I think it might be the weather. Honestly. Last year when I went to a counselor, she told me she thought I got the winter blues.

I don't like the winter it always reminds me of really bad times in my life and bad things always happen in the winter. No lie.

Maybe I just need to move. I love Utah, but I NEED a change. I have been considering moving to Oregon for a long time now...

Even if I did move I wouldn't be able to do it for a year or so... Bills and debt. Blah.

I miss my family and hardly get to see the ones I do live close to.
However, daddy and I went out to dinner and saw Harry Potter V last week. That was fun. I love my daddy.

It really is true that you never know what you've got till it's gone...


Now it's time for my boy update. So I have been dating this guy from my old Target. He is kinda a jerk, but I have fun with him and he is rich (goldigger, I know). However, he is just a passing craze. I know he won't last. I don't want him to last. Still waiting on that server to dump his girlfriend... Who needs anyone when you have Gwen...

My little fatty is losing weight again and to show her protest she has taken to peeing on everything again. when she gets skinny, I'm never putting her on a diet again. She is so full of spirit and is just like a kitten except for the whole fat thing. She is always playing and cuddling and rubbing and licking. She loves me. Lucky for her, I love her to death and will probably have a breakdown when she dies. Silly kitty. The other day I pulled out my heater blanket for the winter and she hasn't left it since... Even right now she is looking at me while purring and rubbing her body all over the blanket....

Target is going good, I've been sick a lot lately but what can you do? I am taking on a lot there and am probably going to breakdown soon, but right now I'm having fun. At McGraths I'm trying to transfer over to bussing. Having a hard time doing that since the manager hates me and I am the best hostess.... Seriously. And that's pretty sad....

Anyway, time to go take a bath to try and calm the cramps since it's that time... AGAIN

much love

A very important question...

In all seriousness, why is it always lemonade? Why would I chose to make lemonade out of lemons that some stranger, named Life, gave me. I would definitely choose to cook the lemons maybe in some lemon creme pie, or those delicious lemon squares. Heat would kill the bacteria and hopefully some of the poison that Life most likely put in there.
Moral of the story,
Life is out to get you and the best you can do is to preheat the oven.

Now that I have gotten that out of my system, let me inform you that I have the most completely and crazy life.

You name something, anything, and I can think of something that has happened to me. Just the other day I was with my friend Lisa and we were going up to see our friend at Park City at, yes I know, 1:00 A.M. We started out the night by locking our keys in the car, getting pulled over, and ended the night by our friends not answering his phone when we finally got up there around 3:00 A.M. Best night ever though, thanks to Lisa. However, I would advise you not to ever wear a mini-skirt to 7-11 at the mouth of Cottonwood Canyon because there are some pretty perverted old men there late at night.

Would you like to hear how I got started here? I'm sure my sister Maren would like to take the credit, but in all honesty, it was only half her influence. The other half was my older brother's hot friend, He-Who-Shall-Remain-Nameless (Chris knows who he is). I was looking at his myspace because I can, and saw that he had started one too. It was hilarious. Ridiculously hilarious. So I started thinking about how somedays I just need to write, and sometimes I need to let my family and friends know what is going on and I have no time to call before it's too late in the night. and sometimes I just need to feel like an idiot.

Hopefully by now you will have looked at the time of the blog and seen what time it was posted. Yep. It is ALMOST 4:00 A.M. This is what happens when I am sick all day. I go NUTS. Absolutely crazy. I freak out. I do everything and anything to stay busy to try to make the day go by faster, no thanks to my ovaries, but more on those later. Today I have dyed my hair, a full HOUR of yoga, finished Tess of the D'ubervilles, redid my Myspace, gave myself a manicure, pedicure, and facial, almost finished my latest letters to my two missionaries (Josh, my brother, and Nick, my BFF (Best Friend Forever)),(Do you point two of those little thingy's there?)(Can you tell it's late because I am calling those thingy's, thingy's?)(back to my day...) trimmed my hair, watched Zoolander and The Burbs, and brushed my kitty's teeth (bahahahahahahahahaha!!!). Now my cat is giving dirty looks, almost as if she knows what I am typing about. The foam was almost a foot long, sad, but a complete riot. Poor cat.

Now back to my Ovaries. Let me just tell you how sick of my woman parts I am. If it's not one thing, it's another. Either I'm being given a sign that I am supposed to reproduce ASAP before my uterus falls apart, or I'm being given a sign that I should NEVER multiply and relenish the earth. Wait, I'm only 20. Why do I care?!

By the way, random off the wall news for those of you who knew my brother Josh. His EX-girlfriend, Katie, is a officially a tramp in my book and if I ever see her, I will be giving her a royal sister chew out. She never deserved him, and now I don't ever have to have her as one of my sisters. Thank you. Do you have any idea how weird it was to have someone I was friends with in high school dating my older brother? Granted, Josh is only about a year, year and a half older, but that is completely beside the point. I am the ONLY one in this family who is allowed to date ridiculously older/younger men. No excuses. Anyway, she never talked to anyone in the family and basically acted like I didn't exsist whenever she was around me. Good riddance. Now I can set him up with some of my super model mormon girlfriends.

Let's talk about my life now. I work TWO jobs, and go to school full-time, and carry on a very active social life (if I do say so myself). I am a manager at Target and a Hostess at McGraths Fish House. I love both of my jobs. I'm very good at what I do at Target, and it's nice to finally get paid a double digit number to work my butt off for eight hours everyday. I love setting up new tables, putting out new product, organizing my department, running my team, it's extremely satisfying and stressful. Perfect. I like my job at McGraths because it is so easy and I get a kick out of knowing more then the girls who have worked there for more then a year... I can run the front like I run my cat's diet... You make the comparisons. I am finally going back to school after about a year off. I'm doing psychology, philosophy, english, and criminal justice. Hopefully, I'll be able to chose my major out of those four by the end of the semester.

Dating is so trivial to me now. I'm not going to lie and say that I'm not open to the idea of finding someone I can trust to share my life with, but I'm not even focusing more then 5 hours of my week thinking about it... Those five hours are normally spent at Mcgraths thinking about a certain Server... But alas, he has a girlfriend and I have morals (thanks a lot mom and dad. Psh.). He is so sweet and kind. He actually carries on intelligent and witty conversations with me. Did I mention he was hot? Yes. Yes he is. You all know how much I like piercings... But other then that, there is the random boy here and there. None of them last, and none of them are worth the time that I give them. Gotta find someone like Daddy....

My brother Chris just moved to Cali. I honestly think that if I ever want to go on an actual vacation, I get the feeling that it is going to happen out of state, so in a couple of months.... Chris is going to probably get a full week of me... you heard me. A WEEK. Ok, maybe a weekend. I can't afford a week yet. I hope he is having fun down there. I am completely jealous. Plus he is close to my brother Josh who is on his mission in L.A. Lucky.

Anyway, I just looked at the time again and noticed it was much later then I anticipated.

I hope you laughed or smiled while you read this. I don't even mind if it was laughing AT me. As long as you're laughing....

Much love from what the cooks at McGraths call me,

La Reina
(The Queen)