Christmas

has made my life a living HE double hockey sticks

Silent Silent Silent

Aren't you scared of feeling pain?
Being left to die?
Lonely, but never alone?
I am.
Facing your fears is trying to face a demon.
Crazy twisted world, full of torture.
Reminders of a distant time,
set to nag,
and wound to drive your life through your lungs
and out your throat.
Danger seems so safe and so alive.
I'm feeling the conformity and the pent up rage at myself.
Stop it all, take it away,
dull the knife
and remove the blade.
It's not worth trying if it's not worth dying.
No more confusion.
I am allowed.
I am vibrant.
I am Amelia.
I am me.

Everyone keeps posting recipes..

Here is my recipe for Chicken Bake, it's delicious and nutritious. I got it from my friend Rachelle and I put a few modifications on it.

3 Chicken Brest (dethawed)
Three large potatoes
1 cup of Zesty Italian Dressing (I put in half a bottle because I LOVE the taste, but you can't put in too much or else it will over saturate the potatoes)
1/2 cup of Parmesan cheese
Vegetables are optional. I add about 1 1/2 to 2 cups of corn.

Preheat oven 425

Cut up the chicken and potatoes into about 1 inch by 1 inch squares. Toss them together into a glass pan. Drizzle the Dressing all over the potatoes and chicken, mix in if you want more covering. Sprinkle the cheese all over the top, add more if you can't cover it to your liking (I like a lot). Bake for one hour, or until browned on top, I do it till the top tips are black.

This is super easy and makes for a delicious main meal.



Cinnamon Apple Jello

1 package of Cherry Jello
1/4 cup of Red Hots (Cinnamon Candies)
1 1/2 cups boiling water
1 cup regular or cinnamon applesauce

Boil water and mix in Red Hots and Jello until Red Hots are dissolved. Cool and stir in applesauce. Pour into individual bowls or mold. Chill till set.


Enjoy. These are two of my favorite dishes.

I was going to marry this sucker

Break my heart and lead me to death
A life's not worth living if I'm living it in regret.
Channel the pain into another soul
And leave me here, bruised and all alone.
Intrigue my mind into a dusty aroma
And then lead me to my final bed, knocked into a coma.
Silence the words of ignored insolence
This is so hard to write but you were my prince.
Now my crown is thrown down and I lay at your feet,
Will you leave me here alone in my defeat?
Just take my hand one more time and let me see,
The best person I ever knew was never meant to be.
The shattered blood pumping crystals through my veins,
Meet my demise so quickly, so tame.
So I am begging for your forgiveness even when I know it's too late.
All of my heart is waiting for your time abiding twist of fate.

Shallow Eyes

This fracture takes a pain, a pill, a life.
Extreme consequences from a simple mistake.
The human form of Anger takes the face,
Of the one true thing that was holy.
To hold you one more time would be,
Selfish.
Corrupt.
The rush of rage.
The thrill of pain.
The emersion of blood.
The entrance of bile.
Examine these hosts and jump for dear life.
The Fall will take you to the height of a knife,
Plunged and plugged in to my heart and soul.
The fountain bleeds crimson.
The eyes drip aqua.
The voice cries melodies.
All of this for nothing but for learning.
Light betrays it's brother,
Dark holds it's lover.
It's over now,
And I am stranded in the shallows of your eyes.

My blog...

Is not for pictures since I don't have that keen eye you guys have.
I do however have poems. I am not the best but I like it and some of them have won some awards, albeit in high school, but still... So I'll post them now and again, and no I am not depressed. I wrote the previous one when I was in ninth grade and when I was suffering from teen angst and body image issues. So happy birthday America!

Remember?

It’s cold here
The people are cold.
I’m warm,
I’m hot,
Nobody here cares.
Unthawable, unthinkable,
I’m hot.
Hospital corners,
A sterile bed.
I’m too hot.
They stare and point
With perfect hands
At my heat
That destroys their..
Hospital corners.
They whisper,
Icy breaths make puffy clouds,
A sinister chill.
They hate the heat.
They hate me.
I’m too hot.
The sweat,
It’s dirty…
To them,
To the blue ones,
The numb.
It’s too much
I’m too much.
But I can’t turn it down.
The heat keeps coming.
I’m burning a hole,
A hole through myself

Holla at your Ho

Alright alright.
Here you go you heathens and heathenettes. I haven't written in forever and since I am determined to procrastinate my homework, I am currently watching Take the Lead (you all know how much I love those dancing movies) and stuffing my face. I work and I go to school. There is not a whole ton super exciting except trying to have good friends and continue with rebuilding my testimony. Gwen is very cute and still extremely skinny because I force her to have an eating disorder... just kidding! But seriously...
I don't even have time to run anymore. Lame lame lame!
I still hate dating and boys so I think I am okay with both of those together... I am considering changing my career since I am getting so pissed off about this research I have to do about eating disorders. Can't you just see me as a high school counselor? Cute!

That's all for now!
love ya!

My iPod won't turn off

And I am starting to get worried.. I need my iPod while I am in California... What's that you say? OH, yes California. Specifically Huntington Beach with my bro and his ho.
I leave tomorrow but I feel so unprepared. I keep startling myself by thinking I forgot to pack something, but then I check.. and yes, I am just obbsessing like I always do.
Now I just need to figure out how to print my itinerary, fix my iPod, go buy shampoo and toothpaste and basically calm down.
I think that I should never be in charge of vacations. Especially for myself.
So a little update before I force myself to sleep.

First of all, let me explain how much I love my job. I love the people I work with. I love the tasks I do. I love solving problems and leading people.
Now I dislike I few things. Such as the drama mill that churns out hot fresh rumors all day long. I can't help my obsessiveness when there are new things to deal with everyday... I dislike the rude people I work with. I dislike dealing with guests. I dislike the cutting of hours so that there is less people to perform more work.
That being said, I will probably end up working at Target for the rest of my life.

I have been hanging out with a lot of my friends lately. One of my friends and her husband just bought an adorable starter house with a GINORMOUS garage and workshop area and I go down and visit them at least once a week. I have another friend who just moved up to the Avenues and I hang out with her and her neighbors once a week as well. Lisa and I have been trying to do active things but it has been particularly hard with the weather and all of the family activities going on. We have started playing tennis and hiking a lot. I wish I could say we go running, but I can't get myself to go runnning since this last time I got sick. Maybe going to Cali will help with that... Seeing everyone in better shape then me...

I am still trying to get my hiking club for kids started, but it's difficult to get a city and parents to trust anyone who is uncertified in anything except first aid and food handling... I just need more support from the city and I feel that I could probably start getting things really rolling. The only problem after that is figuring out transportation and what hikes to take the ages on. We'll have to tackle that after everything else.

I was extremely happy to see everyone, even though I was pmsing the whole time, I preapologized and therefore it's okay. It's crazy to think that Alex is on his mission. It feels like just yesterday that I was tying him and his friend Timmy up with K'Nex ropes... Hmm.

I will be going to school full time next fall. I have resigned myself to the fact that I have to go to school in order to better myself. Lame. I wish I could just be where I want to be right now... On the channel E!...

Well hopefully dad and I can fix my camera so you can be impressed by my adventures in Cali.

The world is shaped like a heart

I'll tell you what I want

I just got back from the best ultimate Frisbee tournament ever.

I am a rockstar!

I played my first real game of capture the flag.

I got injured on a slide. There was blood. Seriously.

I love my friends. Rachelle and Carson. They are the coolest married couple around!

I always have some good music to listen to anywhere I am at, thanks to my awesome iPod.

In less then three weeks, I will be with Chris and Lucy whom I also love... Lucy. Not Chris so much... bahaha. I need to get my camera working so I can take a lot of pictures for you guys.

By the way, Chris and Lucy are getting married... in case you didn't know.

The rock is huge. Good job Chris.

I love butterfingers.

I can name drop the mayor of Cottonwood Heights... Don't be too impressed. It totally got me through a blocked off, drunk driving check point. Not that I was participating in that activity... the driving I mean.

My cat is so cool, I need to wear gloves to pet her.

I love when my nails are painted, makes them look better. Until I chip them off at work.

My butt hurts from all the exercise.

Target is the coolest job I have ever had.

I joined the Newspaper Staff for SLCC and will probably join their television production team as well.

I am a dating machine!

I still don't want to get married, and I am more then okay with that. I am way too selfish to share my life with someone... Except Gwen

I am becoming more tolerant with emoticons as of late. I still hate them, but I'm not so verbal about it now. It won't change anything.

Still in search of the perfect singles ward.

I love my families stupid humor. Makes my life awesome!

Bleah.

I just love life so much sometimes, I can't stand it.

If you can't appreciate the small things in life, like a nice glass of milk in the morning, or a cute cat cuddling with you in life, then I feel sorry for you. The big things don't come as much as people want or need to fill their void. Don't take the small things for granted..

I love you all!

P.S. If I had Rachelle and Carson's child, via surrogate... And then I had one of my own, and they fell in love with each other, is that considered incest? They both came from my womb but they're not the same genetics... Hmmm... yeah I did think of this when I volunteered to be their surrogate

I love BBQ sauce and telling stories

It's amazing to me how much I've turned my life around....

Back in my crazy rebellion days I used to think I was so happy. I had my friends, I had my parties, I had a great job, and I normally had a guy on my arm. Life was perfect. Then stupid random things started happening to me that I took as just stupid bad things. Then Big stupid bad things started happening and I figured it was karma for some of the crappy things I had done to my family and friends. So I tried repairing a lot of my relationships with friends and family, but I was still partying, still going through boys like toilet paper, and still putting my friends before my family. I thought everything would be fine, and I didn't want to involve the church at all since I was still so bitter against it and how mom and dad always treated me differently and looked at me with disappointment since I didn't want to go to church anymore. The bad things kept coming. One day, I remade a friendship with an acquaintance and her friends. She became my new best friend and we talk all the time. I also met one of her friends who was an RM. The feeling with him and his love for the church was the most amazing feeling for me. I would love just being around him and feeling so clean and happy. A more satisfied happy from partying. I decided to try and stop drinking to see if that was why I would have such horrible down days, and because I am such a control freak, and drinking was not putting me in a position of control. I figured that even if I stopped drinking, I wouldn't have to go back to church if I didn't want to and that stopping drinking was good enough to satisfy my life. Then one night I went to a party with my roomate. I told myself I wouldn't drink and I didn't need to since I am not exactly the shyest person, but for some reason this party was so intimidating, someone passed me a beer and next thing I knew, I woke up at home realizing all the stupid things I had done. That night I went into dad's office and told him I needed to make an appointment with the bishop. After going to the bishop and starting to sort things out, things with the RM went sour, but I still stayed strong in trying to do the right thing. I miss the taste of the drinks, I miss the freedom that comes with the buzz, I miss the confidence, I miss a lot of my friends. It's just not worth it anymore. I can go out and drink a Diet Coke (I quit Mountain Dew as well... That was harder then booze) occasionally when I'm with my drinking friends, I don't get tempted unless it's been a particularly trying week but then I think about dad's face when he first thought I had started drinking and then I compare it to his face when I told him I wanted to be able to go to the temple. I still harbor some resentment towards some people in the church, and I have a hard time asking and receiving help for temptations, but comparing my life from now and then is so incredible. Before I used to never be able to be by myself. Now I love my free time and taking the time to learn. I hated the idea of school because I would have less time with friends and now I want to go to school and get my degree. I used to always hate being around my family because they were so clean and happy and I couldn't handle knowing that mom and dad looked at them with pride and me with disappointment. Granted, I'm still not perfect and I do still get wiffs of booze and crave it, but I know the aftermath would rip me apart so I don't do it. There are more stories I could tell about my partying days and more stories I could tell about the road back, but those are in person stories. Some are funny, some are sad, most of them are interesting... So basically I just wanted you guys to know that if I ever call for no good reason at all, just talk to me because I might need help with something and I can't ask for it...

Love ya.

Once upon a time

In a land far far away lived a darling princess named Amelia. Now Amelia was no ordinary princess. She was an intergalactic war hero with super lean muscle mass and a nice thick head of platinum blonde hair. Little did she know it, but this girl was about to grow up and realize that no matter how innocent you try to stay, and how far you push yourself from the real life... you can never get away...

Princess Amelia's current life-

Boys are still dumb. I hate dating. I hate it so much that I never partake of that fruit. And amazingly enough, I must be sending out the mating scent or something because it's been male frenzy. I'm not putting myself out there at all and apparently that means I want you so bad that I am willing to throw away everything I have worked for... Not. Boys are too distracting and all I care about is my career and cat. C squared.

My job had it's ups and downs, but I am still trying to figure out how to become more proactive and be better. I don't feel very challenged there anymore, but I'm still trying regardless.

School... Finals. I need not elaborate.

Married men. Leave me the freak alone.

I haven't had a mtn. dew in forever. Be proud.

Going to start running again. After being sick this last time, I got out of the groove and am very mad at myself for it.

anyway, that tis all for now. Till next time my dear little lambs...

Princess Amelia

When you try to leave the drama

it has a way of hunting you down and finding you...
I just can't get away!

This is for Stephanie...

Here is the skirt,




And here is the super suit

LOVE YA!

For those of you who are curious as to where I have been trying to hide the past couple months... I was trying to hide in my own gloom and sadness. I feel kinda pathetic that I actually let a guy get to me this bad. I've always prided myself on seeing the bright side and not getting so attached since I feel I still have so much more to do with my life, but this was just ridiculous. Hopefully I can bounce back more after I stop PMS-ing so much. Wait, what is PMS you say? Well basically it stands for Psycho Moody Schizo, they might as well just name it after me. Sorry, back on track. The past couple days are the first couple days in awhile that I have felt a little bit of my usual perk. I actually tried getting ready for work and school and I've been cleaning. My normal hygiene tasks have suffered lately from the lack of motivation... I've been in the mind frame, that if HE doesn't care then why should I? Disgusting, I know. I'll let you know when I've completely recovered... It's coming soon!
My friend got back from his mission the other day and no we're not getting married, and no I am not attracted to him. But I'm glad he's back.
I have had drama at work. I don't like talking about it since it makes me cry and I am trying to stop bringing my work home with me.
I love school. I didn't go today.. Shame on me, but I am thinking that no one wants me throwing up on them while in class. I am going to try to go to school full time next semester and we'll see how I can handle that. But don't worry, my determination to be the best is still there....

Anyway, to leave you with a sad note... I should've bought Britney Spears concert tickets when I had the chance... When she's hot, she's hot. When she's not hot, she's still hot.