I love BBQ sauce and telling stories

It's amazing to me how much I've turned my life around....

Back in my crazy rebellion days I used to think I was so happy. I had my friends, I had my parties, I had a great job, and I normally had a guy on my arm. Life was perfect. Then stupid random things started happening to me that I took as just stupid bad things. Then Big stupid bad things started happening and I figured it was karma for some of the crappy things I had done to my family and friends. So I tried repairing a lot of my relationships with friends and family, but I was still partying, still going through boys like toilet paper, and still putting my friends before my family. I thought everything would be fine, and I didn't want to involve the church at all since I was still so bitter against it and how mom and dad always treated me differently and looked at me with disappointment since I didn't want to go to church anymore. The bad things kept coming. One day, I remade a friendship with an acquaintance and her friends. She became my new best friend and we talk all the time. I also met one of her friends who was an RM. The feeling with him and his love for the church was the most amazing feeling for me. I would love just being around him and feeling so clean and happy. A more satisfied happy from partying. I decided to try and stop drinking to see if that was why I would have such horrible down days, and because I am such a control freak, and drinking was not putting me in a position of control. I figured that even if I stopped drinking, I wouldn't have to go back to church if I didn't want to and that stopping drinking was good enough to satisfy my life. Then one night I went to a party with my roomate. I told myself I wouldn't drink and I didn't need to since I am not exactly the shyest person, but for some reason this party was so intimidating, someone passed me a beer and next thing I knew, I woke up at home realizing all the stupid things I had done. That night I went into dad's office and told him I needed to make an appointment with the bishop. After going to the bishop and starting to sort things out, things with the RM went sour, but I still stayed strong in trying to do the right thing. I miss the taste of the drinks, I miss the freedom that comes with the buzz, I miss the confidence, I miss a lot of my friends. It's just not worth it anymore. I can go out and drink a Diet Coke (I quit Mountain Dew as well... That was harder then booze) occasionally when I'm with my drinking friends, I don't get tempted unless it's been a particularly trying week but then I think about dad's face when he first thought I had started drinking and then I compare it to his face when I told him I wanted to be able to go to the temple. I still harbor some resentment towards some people in the church, and I have a hard time asking and receiving help for temptations, but comparing my life from now and then is so incredible. Before I used to never be able to be by myself. Now I love my free time and taking the time to learn. I hated the idea of school because I would have less time with friends and now I want to go to school and get my degree. I used to always hate being around my family because they were so clean and happy and I couldn't handle knowing that mom and dad looked at them with pride and me with disappointment. Granted, I'm still not perfect and I do still get wiffs of booze and crave it, but I know the aftermath would rip me apart so I don't do it. There are more stories I could tell about my partying days and more stories I could tell about the road back, but those are in person stories. Some are funny, some are sad, most of them are interesting... So basically I just wanted you guys to know that if I ever call for no good reason at all, just talk to me because I might need help with something and I can't ask for it...

Love ya.