I can feel my life changing

I always do what I want to do, when I want to do it. Knowing that my priorities have changed in my life is driving me to change more things. I took out my nose ring and my extra ear piercings. I am going to sacrament meeting. I lust after RM's instead of drummers (let us just be happy that the demographic changed). I work hard still, but I study harder. I join school activities and clubs instead of sitting home all day. Sometimes I miss how easy my old life is, but I love the excitment and the constant feeling of success in my new one. Now, I just need to quit Mountain Dew and all will be well.

Is in her dark place

The past couple weeks have been trying to say the least. Working at four in the morning, doing school,not getting any sleep, etc. I have just felt so overwhelmed and helpless and extremely antisocial. I know that a lot of it due to having Seasonal Affective Disorder, but I have never had it this bad before. Thankfully Josh left a book at home on accident or on purpose, but I'm pretty sure something was telling him to leave it right in my sight path so I would see it. The book is all about S.A.D. and how to cope. I wasn't as impressed with the book as I wanted to be since most of his solutions revolved around light therepy, and that's what I don't want. However, he did have some good points on symptoms, diagnosies,and a few other treatments. One of the things he said was how negatively eating bad food is for improving your mood. So I quit Mountain Dew and started exercising and tanning again. I have felt awesome! I feel skinnier, more energetic, less sleepless, able to focus more, and I want to be around people again. It's crazy! I'm only tanning once a week and it seems like that's all I need so don't freak out you crazies. I did have a Mountain Dew today because I felt so sad.
My friend Tony that I dated like three or four years ago told me that he can't hang out with me or see me anymore because his girlfriend didn't like it since he just barely told her about our past. He can't forgive himself for our relationship we had forever ago. He can't let go of the past. And now I'm angry because I feel like after I had finally forgiven myself, he is pulling me back into the negative feelings. I kept thinking that if this is what happens when people find out about your past then why on earth would you ever tell someone?
After talking to Jocelyn about it, I was contemplating, when is a good time to tell your significant other about your past life? Is it sooner in the relationship so they have a fair warning of the baggage you carry, or later so they have a better understanding of who you are? I have decided later is better. I am not the person that I used to be and I want people to see who I am now, not who I used to be.
So I finally told my friend good luck with the girl and left it at that. He shouldn't have to have his girlfriend always wondering about our friendship and I shouldn't have to be reliving all of the painful memories.
Man it feels good to get that off my chest!

I'm gratefull

for my sassy mouth. I like making people laugh so you can imagine this comes in handy.
for my ambition, so I don't end up selling drugs to make ends meet.
for Gwen. She's the best!
For the arts. I love music and painting.
for clothes. Oh how I love you.
for my friends that are still friends with me even if I don't hang out with them during school.
for boys. Because they always make me think I can do better.
My boyfriend, Netflix.
for journalism opportunities.
for books since I get bored too easy and I don't want to be an ignorant hick.
FOR PEOPLE WHO MAKE IT EASY TO MAKE FUN OF THEM. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE.
For my pa. I luf him. And ma.
for Chris's sarcasm.
for Maren knowing me better then I know myself.
for Stephanie listening to every single stupid little thing that happens to me.
for Jocelyn's care and always knowing what to say. Even if it is a swear word.
for Josh's girl problems since I always know how to answer them.
for Alex STILL NOT WRITING ME.

Let's talk music

I didn't realize how much I counted on music until I wasn't able to use my iPod for two days last week since I kept forgetting to charge it. I was in H.E. Double Hockey Sticks without it. I listen to my iPod in my car, at work, doing homework, walking to and from class, while trying to sleep at night, showering, doing yard work, cooking, etc. I wonder if everyone feels this connection that I feel with music? I always have a song stuck in my head. I always end up singing or humming something if music isn't playing. I'm envious of the people with these incredile voices and musical instrument talents. I love the way that music makes me feel. I love that I can listen to a song that expresses exactly how I am feeling, calm me down, pump me up, give me a feeling that is so happy and content, even give me hope. There are so many songs and genres that create so many different emotions. Can I tell you my favorite thing about my iPod now that I've had it for 2 years? My Top 25 Most Played Playlist. Best thing ever created. I can listen to that playlist over and over since it's everything I love about music. Prepare for my current top 25.

1. Britney Spears- Gimme More (This was actually an accident. I left the house with this playing on repeat for a couple hours...)
2.One Republic- Apologize
3.lisa Loed- Stay
4. Miley Cyrus- See You Again
5. The Rocket Summer- Brat Pack
6. Linkin Park- What I've Done
7.Secondhand Serendade- Fall for You
8. Lady Gaga- Bad Romance
9. Aly & AJ- Potential Breakup Song
10. Lady Gaga- Poker Face
11.Hyper Crush- This is my life
12. Cascada- Everytime We Touch
13. Hilary Duff- Stranger
14.Framing Hanely- Lollipop (Remake of a Lil Wayne Song)
15.David Lanz- Christifori's Dream
16. Fefe Dobson- Watch me move
17.Good Charlotte- I Don't Want to Be in Love
18. Ke$ha- TiK ToK
19.Breaking Benjamin- The Diary of Jane
20. Goo Goo Dolls- Sympathy
21.Debussy- Claire De Lune
22. Ashley Tisdale- It's Alright, It's Okay
23.Cobra Starship- Good Girls Go Bad
24. Jimmy Eat World- Hear you Me
25. Kat de Luna- Unstoppable.

HONORABLE MENTIONS
Katy Perry- Teenage Dream
Lit- My Own Worst Enemy
Anberlin- Feel Good Drag
Any song of Fefe Dobsons
The Killers- Human
Glee remake of Journey's Faithfully
Brand New- Seventy times seven
Taking Back Sunday, My Chemical Romance, & The Used (Music will never be as good as it was when these guys were big)
The Moody Blues

There is a reason these performers are revered. They have/had talent, drive, and ambition.

STOP PDA

Do you want to know how much I get creeped out by couples making out all the time? Well get ready because everything I say is from watching people close to me.

Seriously people. Get a room. No one wants to watch you press your lips together in a "we're so in love and we're going to prove it to everyone by kissing each other all of the time" way. Instead of grossing me out with your inability to stop touching each other with body parts normally used for eating, please go to another room or contain yourself so everyone in the room can have a normal conversation with you that doesn't involve us avoiding making eye contact with you because we are so embarrassed for you. I don't care if you are in a new relationship/marriage whatever. I respect you enough to hold back, so maybe you could respect me enough to keep your tongues in your own mouths. Make babies on your own time. I don't wear revealings tops because I want people to be comfortable when talking to me, just like you shouldn't be PDAing the crap out of your significant other so people are comfortable talking to you. Respect is a two way street. This isn't England so please drive on the correct side of the Respect Road.

The end and GOD BLESS AMERICA!

Glee

A few of you have been asking me whether Glee is worth the watch or not... This is why it's awesome....

1. So many funny one liners.
2. Awkward moments like crazy.
3. I cried my eyes out when I watched the last one with the heartattack.
4. They cover a variety of music, it's not just pop and show tunes, they do classic rock and some pretty good oldies.
5. There is a jewish kid in there with an orange jew fro.
6. Britney Spears.
7. The theme of the show is ultimately accepting others for who they are.

If you're not convinced, please watch my new favorite clip. I almost dies laughing at the very end.



I love this show so much!

Humane Society

Appearantly I don't communicate enough about what I am doing other than complaining about work. I started volunteering and the Humane Society again. I had such a hard time when I did it for six months a couple of years ago but I felt that need to start doing something productive and stimulating other then school and work. I still find it difficult going in there week after week and seeing the same cats over and over again until they get taken away for one reason or another that normally doesn't have to do with adoption. My ultimate goal is to be able to be an adoption counselor, but I'm finding the training and mentoring sessions very tedious and difficult to schedule because of work/school. Another depressing part is seeing how irresponsible people treat their animals and the reasons why most animals arrive to the shelter. It's mainly a moving situation but more often then not it's because of neglect. Breaks my heart.
So my average day of volunteering starts with me coming in and saying hi to the front desk girls and grabbing my volunteer apron. I mainly work with the cats and hardly work with the dogs because most of the volunteers work with the dogs and the cats don't get enough attention. I always sanitize like crazy. A couple weeks ago, some idiot, either a worker, guest, or volunteer didn't sanitize between kennels so they had a massive outbreak of kennel cough. Look it up. Not pleasent. So I spent most of the shift cleaning the kennels and trying to clean the cats eyes and nose and cuddle them so they are warmer and the fever isn't so unbearable. Anyway, I come in a see who is meowing the loudest and go take them into the aquiantance rooms and play with them for a bit. I normally do this for about an hour and then move to the unpleasent tasks... Making sure the litter is full and pooper scooping, water, food, fresh towels, fur brushing, etc. I try to see if the workers need me to help with anything, then I peace out unless I want to cuddle some more.
The down side to this is that I have to shower and wash my clothes right away or else Gwen can get super sick. I haven't been the best at keeping her up on her shots, but even if she was fully vaccinated, she would still be extremely succeptible. I also get pretty depressed for the rest of the day, but I think it's worth it, because my ultimate goal in life, besides being on E! is to be able to help drive for harsher punishment for animal cruelty and to find a solution of overpopulation of cats and dogs.
Lately, there has been a lot of talk to about registering convicted animal cruelty offenders on a list like a sex offenders list. I have listened to both side of the arguement and can see how this might affect some people negatively, I can also see how it will help deter more crimes and prevent further abuse. I for one would like to know if my neighbor has been convicted so that I know if Gwen should be allowed to go outside or not. I also might have a little skewed vision on animals and see them as innocent and defenseless as children. The down side of this is that punishment for animal cruelty is not as harsh as it probably should be. Each state is different on their laws, but for the most part, the awful stories I read about normally end in maybe a year in jail. Let me remind everyone that serial killers start out as animal abusers... Shouldn't someone who has a tendancy to torturing innnocent animals be sent to a correction facility to be rehabiliatated?

Anyway, enough of my rant, I mainly just wanted to say enough of the cruelty jokes, it affects me personally now.